When tragedy hits, how do you deal with that?

By Ginna Young

At the end of April, the Chippewa Valley was rocked, by the sudden and shocking murder of 10-year-old Chippewa Falls resident Iliana “Lily” Peters. Peters went missing on the way back home from a visit to her aunt’s home and was found deceased the next day, a victim of an apparent rape/ murder.

While the alleged suspect, a 14-year-old boy that was closely involved in Peters’ life, was caught and is awaiting his fate in the judicial system, the public is still left to deal with the horrific happening. For some, that meant holding a candlelight vigil, planting flowers in the little girl’s name or festooning front porches with purple ribbons.

But for others, there may not be a timeline to move on from the events of a certain trauma, which means recognizing extra help is needed.

“It doesn’t always have to be the big headliner community tragedies,” said Matthew Schneider, Marshfield Clinic regional communications manager. “We all have our own personal tragedies in our life – whether it’s the loss of a pet or divorce, or whatever.”

Parents don’t always know when or how to talk to kids when something happens in life, but there are warning signs to tell if the youth are affected adversely. If kids start obsessing over different events and are doing more internet searches on a particular event, that’s a good indication, as well as staying in their room a lot more.

“Those are the biggest things, with really, any mental health issue,” said Dana Bessen, family nurse practitioner, located in Cadott. “The big thing is for the parents, or even the kids, to reach out for help, to recognize if there is a change in behavior.”

In order to get kids the help they may need, schools have counselors available to sit down and talk over matters, and there are private counseling facilities throughout the area.

Visiting a primary care provider can get the ball rolling, if parents think additional counseling is needed.

Bessen says there is a stigma about needing therapy, but sometimes, it’s needed to cope when dealing with trauma, that kids and adults can’t always keep everything bottled up. She said, the main thing, is that any responsible adult – parents or teachers – communicate at the child’s level and answer questions as they come, while making sure the information provided to the children is accurate.

Parents should be honest with their children, but try to be age appropriate, avoiding graphic details.

Bessen said when watching for signs of mental distress, a parent, teacher or friend should use the “see something, say something” route.

“It may be nothing, but at least you want to make sure it’s addressed and that they get the help if they need it,” said Bessen.