A father’s love: the indispensable role of dads in child development

Happy Father’s Day on Sunday to all the dads out there, and those who have been like a dad to someone else.

Individuals who grew up with a good dad can tell you what a difference their dad has made in their life, whether by supporting them, teaching them, disciplining them, pushing them to try new things, or all of the above. There is also a multitude of research showing the significance of an involved father.

A study by the University of California Riverside found that when dads regularly engage in caretaking activities like bathing, feeding and playing with their babies, it boosts the child’s confidence and fosters stronger relationships later in life (Melinda Leidy, Ross Parke and Thomas Schofield, 2013). These children are more likely to form a secure attachment, and research shows that secure attachments provide numerous benefits that last into adulthood. Child who are securely attached do better academically; they are also more sociable and well-liked throughout early childhood as compared to children without secure attachments.

The organization Zero to Three has done a lot of research on the importance of the father-child relationship in healthy child development, specifically in the early years.

Zero to Three reports: “Fathers who care for, nurture, and play with their babies raise children with higher IQs and with better language and cognitive skills. The more time fathers spend in enriching, stimulating play with their child—such as playing pretend or sharing stories—the better the child’s math and reading scores are at 10 and 11 years old.” Fathers also help children to understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy risk-taking.

“The rough-and-tumble kind of play that fathers engage in with young children helps regulate their feelings and behavior. It teaches children how to deal with aggressive impulses and physical contact in socially acceptable ways. While mothers are more likely to form secure attachments by comforting their children when they are distressed, fathers are more likely to provide security in the context of the controlled excitement of play or discipline. This helps children learn where the boundaries of safety and risk-taking exist in the world—a very important skill that builds self-regulation and can prevent problems with aggression and violence later on.

“Fathers push children beyond their comfort zone—in the best ways. Dads, typically more than moms, encourage their children to take calculated risks: trying the deep end of the pool, talking to someone new, or finding ways to overcome obstacles,” Zero to Three reports.

Another benefit of involved fathers is better emotional regulation. Children with involved fathers tend to be more patient and handle stress better than children with less involved fathers. They also are less likely to experience depression or get in trouble at school.

One study considered infants whose fathers were emotionally and physically remote from them when they were 3 months old and again at 12 months old. By the time these children entered preschool, they were found to be more aggressive with their peers. Not surprisingly, this was particularly true for boys, and occurred independently from how the mothers behaved with their infants. This goes to show how impressionable young children are and how much they pick up subconsciously based on their father’s behavior, or the lack of having that fatherly example.

Of course, the impacts extend far beyond just the first three years of life. Children in father-absent homes are more likely to experience adverse outcomes including poor self-esteem, poor school performance (71% of high school dropouts are fatherless), poverty, homelessness and increased risk of substance abuse, as well as an increased likelihood of being involved in the criminal justice system and gangs (“Father Absent Homes: Implications for Criminal Justice and Mental Health Professionals,” Jerrod Brown, Ph.D.). Girls from father-absent homes are more likely to be promiscuous and experience teen pregnancy.

“In experiencing the emotional loss of their fathers egocentrically as a rejection of them, (teen girls) become susceptible to exploitation by adult men,” Edward Kruk, Ph.D., writes for Psychology Today.

Moving into adulthood, father-absent children are more likely to experience unemployment, have low incomes and remain on social assistance.

Notably, all the adverse outcomes I just listed correlate more strongly with fatherlessness than with any other factor—surpassing race, social class and poverty. The value of a present, caring father really cannot be overstated.

If you are a dad, know that your role in the home and the family matters. Even if your kids are grown up and on their own, they still need their dad. You don’t have to be a perfect dad to be a great dad. A lot of it comes down to just being present with your children and taking a sincere interest in their lives.

One more research finding, this one from The Fatherhood Project: The quality of the father-child relationship matters more than the specific amount of hours spent together. Non-resident fathers can have positive effects on children’s social and emotional wellbeing, as well as academic achievement and behavioral adjustment. In other words, focus on quality time over the quantity of time. And even if the parenting situation is less than ideal, you can still have a profound impact on your child’s life.

One last thought: With fatherlessness being a big issue in our society, there are also several organizations that have stepped up to help, like Big Brothers, Big Sisters or even Scouting and 4-H, that provide young people with mentors to look up to. Consider volunteering if you have the capacity to do so. Many young people could use the benefit of a strong father figure.

“Fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.” – Frank Pittman