– Time For A Tiara: Column by Ginna Young – - You might be old if…

– Time For A Tiara: Column by Ginna Young –

I used to make fun of “old” people. I don’t mean if someone had to use a walker or anything like that; I mean the people who acted old at 40 – the ones who couldn’t stay out past 8, because they went to bed at 8:30.

That’s never gonna be ME!

Yeah, about that...nowadays, I’m eating my words. We’ve probably all heard of the Jeff Foxworthy comedy skit, You might be a redneck, if... Well, this is my version for those of us past 40.

You might be old, if you refer to one knee as the “good one” and to the other as the “bad one.”

You might be old, if you don’t want to start watching a movie past 7 p.m., because it won’t get over before bedtime.

You might be old, if you plan lunch dates around taking your health supplements.

You might be old, if you find yourself muttering, “Darn kids.”

You might be old, if you’ve ever yelled, “Turn that crap down,” when hearing loud music you used to love.

You might be old, if you’ve ever uttered the words, “Well, in MY day.”

You might be old, if you can’t drink coffee or caffeinated soda after noon, or it will keep you up all night.

You might be old, if you no longer want French fries at any given time.

You might be old, if you can’t eat just ANY kind of pizza.

You might be old, if you know what “inflammatory” foods are and avoid them.

You might be old, if you like discounts and coupons, and sign up for all kinds of online rewards.

You might be old, if you’re nodding sagely to all these witisms and know what nodding sagely means.

You might be old, if a teenager holds the door for you.

You might be old, if you avoid going places in the dark, because you’re afraid you’ll trip and injure yourself.

You might be old, if you use your car’s heated seats to sooth a back spasm.

That last one is my favorite and I’m sad to say, one I perform every day. There ain’t no doubt about it, I’m definitely old.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, my bad ankle is telling me it’s going to rain and I need to grab an umbrella.