A simple, four-minute fix

– Everything is an Adventure: Column by Julia Wolf –

I learned something new. In fact, I learned multiple somethings new. Normally, I would say that is a good thing, without a shadow of a doubt. This time, while learning something was good, it made for a more memorable experience than I would have liked.

It all started on a Tuesday, which is deadline day at the newspaper. We ended up dubbing it Nothing Works Tuesday. We were all having slightly more issues than usual, which is an impressive feat for this office.

For example, I walked away from my computer for a minute or two to refill my water bottle, and came back to my desk to discover that it had restarted, with a story I had just finished, open. Thankfully, I was able to get back into my story and nothing was lost, but I wasn’t holding my breath for that outcome.

I was out of the office for a half hour or so, taking pictures and upon my return, was greeted with the news that the toilet handle went limp. Upon closer investigation on my part, that description was accurate. The poor thing was just dangling there.

Welp. Time to take the tank lid off. It turns out the flush handle snapped off right near the tank wall. That was easy enough to diagnose and considering it was plastic, not terribly surprising. It was just its time to break. Always on a Tuesday.

I told the others I would fix it after I finished writing my stories. In the meantime, in order to flush the toilet, we would need to lift the tower. That is annoying and wet, but not detrimental.

True to my word, as soon as I had my last story written and printed, I skirted off to the hardware store to see if they had a replacement handle we needed. There were five options and I picked the one that said it was for the correct brand (and listed a model number, as if I know what model our’s is), and looked the same as the old one.

I watched a YouTube video on how to replace a flush handle as soon as I got back to the office and it seemed easy enough. The guy did it with one hand, while holding his phone to record the video with his other hand, in the span of four minutes. He also shared the important information that toilet handles are reverse threaded. Good to know. I learned something.

Then, it was time to try my hand at it. It was then, that I learned something else new. None of my wrenches were big enough to fit over the plastic nut holding on the remainder of the handle. Interesting. I eventually settled on pliers and got the nut off.

As soon as I had it off, I realized the portion of the handle that you use to flush isn’t even solid metal, it’s just plated. That’s some quality right there, but hey, it didn’t rust.

I reassembled the toilet system, just like it was shown in the video and then it was fixed. Right? Wrong.

Pushing the handle did make the toilet flush, but then it would get stuck at the top and the water would just keep running, unless I physically lifted the handle back up. Even then, water would sometimes slowly leak into the bowl if I didn’t jiggle the handle a bit once the tank was done filling. Cue the storm of internet searches. At least the toilet was in semi-working order while I was looking for the solution.

I learned that, sometimes, you have to bend flush handles to get them to line up properly. Maybe that model number was something I should have looked into more. Every person online who said the handles sometimes need bending, also followed up the statement with the caveat of, “It’s a little harder to do that if it’s plastic, but hahahahaha.”

I went to check if that looked like the problem in our case and indeed it was. Did I mention that I bought a plastic handle? Great.

I started by calling my dad to see if he thought I should try to heat and bend it, or if I should try to exchange it instead. He suggested a lighter and avoiding setting the handle on fire.

Ginna came in to assist/play with fire with me. There must not have been enough oxygen for how long we needed the flame, because two different lighters snuffed out and the smell gave me a headache. Plus, it didn’t heat the handle enough to bend it.

That warranted another call to my dad. After bouncing a few ideas around, Plan B was to light a candle, and move the handle back and forth across the top until it softens. After the headache from the last go-round, I opted to do this project under the oven hood with the fan running.

As I went to light a candle, I noticed a light bulb was burnt out. That’s an easy fix, but figures. Nothing Works Tuesday.

I lit the Santa’s Treat scented candle and started sliding the handle around. I’m pretty sure staring directly at a candle, when combined with the heavy vanilla and melted plastic scent, was slowly making me lose it.

After a few minutes, it worked and I was able to call the project a success. Hallelujah!

The whole ordeal took slightly longer than four minutes. In fact, it was closer to three and a half hours, by the time it was all said and done. There is the final lesson I learned. Nothing will ever work like it is supposed to, especially on Nothing Works Tuesday.