Distracted

“What is the update with Sharon?”

Each day one of my siblings sends that text message to the group chat that includes my brothers, sisters and me.

There are eight of us, with me smack in the middle at number five. Like many larger families we are spread out in clumps and have our own internal divisions. Yes I fully realize that by Wisconsin farm country standards eight children is only a middling-size, but in the context of New Jersey in the 1970s our family was considered freakishly large.

With a five year gap between me and my younger sisters, I was the youngest of the “big kids” with my three younger sisters being the “little girls.” We will occasionally still refer to them as such, even though the youngest is now in her 40s.

My sister Sharon is the oldest of us and was always the ground and rule breaker. I still remember quite clearly the first time I heard my father swear and it was about something my then teenaged sister did.

On May 18 Sharon was taken by ambulance to the hospital with chest pains and trouble breathing. In typical family dynamics Sharon had not wanted any of the rest of us to know, thinking it was something minor. As can be expected this was summarily ignored with my older sister Janet sending out an update to the rest of the siblings beginning with the ominous phrase “Not to alarm anyone . . .”

Sharon was taken to one hospital, then to another hospital as doctors poked, prodded, consulted, tested and otherwise worked hard to run up some truly massive hospital bills. I think she should at least get a gold star on her charts by helping them make their quarterly billing goals.

Sarcasm aside, after a week in the hospital the doctors finally decided to do bypass surgery and she went in for the operation on May 27. We held a family Zoom call with her on the night before to visit and wish her luck.

The end of May and beginning of June are shaping up to be a uniformly bad time of year for members of my extended family. Over the course of the past few years both my parents died this time of year and there have been a spate of other scary family health things. Things that are far more scary for me being far away from the rest of my siblings.

In the typical luck of my family, my sister’s recovery is not going as well as hoped. As of writing this, the best case scenario has her in the hospital for a few more weeks as she slowly recovers.

I try hard not to think about the worst case scenarios. For everything else, life goes on. There are events to cover, commencement ceremonies, joyous celebrations, dull but important government meetings, and sharing the stories of the people and events of Taylor County.

Excuse me though, if I have seemed distracted a bit more than usual lately, or that you have seen me surreptitiously stealing a glance at my phone when I have been at events.

Part of me wants to just shut my phone in my bedroom nightstand and pretend all is right with the world, or at least allow me to ignore it until I am prepared to deal with the news — whether it be good or bad. As tempting as that may be it is not a practical choice.

And so I spend my free time keeping an eye on the price of flights in the hope that being prepared will keep the awfulness away and steeling myself for the worst while hoping for the best every time my phone buzzes with a message.

Each of us carries distractions and worries. It is the burden of mortality and with getting older. The best we can do is to remember our daily prayers and to keep living, even when we would rather sit quietly in a closet somewhere.

Brian Wilson is News Editor at The Star News.