Everywhere I go I find a pal

Peter Weinschenk, Editor, The Record-Review

Rhett: Here we are on a beautiful, sunny day at the Beijing 2022 Winter Olympics as we watch international nordic skiing star Peter Weinschenk pursue his epic quest for Olympic gold.

Brett: Well, yes, it is a nice day, but this is not the Beijing Olympics. We are at Nine Mile Forest in the town of Rib Mountain, Wisconsin. Not quite the same thing.

Rhett: Weinschenk’s epic quest for the Olympic gold burns brightly on this stage of global competition.

Brett: I don’t know about that. Maybe I’m going out on a limb, but aren’t you deducted points if you don’t show up in the right country for the Olympics? If you don’t show up at the right stadium?

Rhett: That’s a decision up to the Olympic commission and trained officials. But we can’t pursue that now because Weinschenk has strapped on his skis and has launched into the 20-kilometer freestyle race. It’s an epic quest for the Olympic gold.

Brett: I would say he’s off to a strong start.

Rhett: Yes, we are seconds into this race and already he has passed an eight-year-old on the Cookie Trail and an old woman shuffling about on no-wax skis. He is on pace to set a new world record.

Brett: He’s doing okay, but he’s not going to set any records.

Rhett: He’s on an epic quest to achieve Olympic gold.

Brett: Like I said, he’s doing okay. Rhett: We are minutes into the race and Weinschenk has captured the lead. The Norwegians and Russians were the international press favorites in this event given their strong performances all year, but Weinschenk has left them in the dust. This is an outstanding performance. World records will be shattered. It is an epic quest for Olympic gold.

Brett: Well, hold on a minute. He’s not ahead of any Russians or Norwegians. There are no Russians or Norwegians. This isn’t even Beijing.

Rhett: Weinschenk confidently strides forward, never looking back. I feel he is on pace to set a new world record. I have not seen such an epic quest for Olympic gold in my lifetime.

Brett: Here’s a development. Weinschenk has suddenly stopped. Is it an equipment malfunction? Is it an international protest? No, it is Weinschenk chatting with a couple from Madison. The clock is ticking and he is deep in conversation.

Rhett: Always the ambassador, Weinschenk is building international peace and brotherhood through meaningful dialogue. What a testament to the Olympic spirit! Yet another step in his epic quest for Olympic gold!

Brett: Weinschenk has started skiing again. He has made his way to the first big downhill. He speeds down the hill but he is screaming the whole way.

Rhett: Like a true Olympian. He is giving voice to his truly epic quest in his journey for Olympic gold. I should note that the Russians and Norwegians are nowhere in sight. I’d say he has cinched first place and the gold medal in this grueling test of endurance, courage and stamina.

Brett: And that concludes our report from the 20 kilometer freestyle Nordic competition and what we can all agree is a beautiful, sunny day.

Rhett: What a spectacle of Olympic greatness we have witnessed. Weinschenk will be entered into the volumes of international sport history. What an epic quest for Olympic gold!