I say kill all those ruthless little flying vampires
Scientific fact: More than 3,500 species of mosquitoes inhabit the Earth, many of which carry and/or transmit diseases such as malaria, yellow fever, and West Nile Virus.
Made up fact: The word mosquito comes from the Latin mos for 'tiny' and the Spanish quito for '*#*¢§ blood-sucking nuisance that ought to be obliterated from existence with massive applications of DDT.'
Scientific fact: Mosquitoes locate their prey through chemical, visual and heat sensory methods.
Made-up fact: Middle-aged Caucasian males weighing about 220 pounds who smell like Kwik Trip cheeseburger wrappers and stale beer light up a hungry mosquito's sensory dashboards like fireworks on a black July night.
Scientific fact: The mark left on a victim's skin after a mosquito bites is called a wheal, and is caused by the body's histamines attempting to attack the protein deposited by the bug.
Made-up fact: After I went fishing Monday night, my arm looked like an 18-whealer (a little trucker humor there for ya').
Scientific fact: In addition to blood, female mosquitoes also feed on nectar and honeydew.
Made up fact: But they like the blood found behind my ears a heckuva lot more.
Scientific fact: There are five subfamilies of the species Culicidae, which can be further divided into 43 genera.
Made-up fact: Nobody cares.
Scientific fact: The Anopholes mosquito can fly for as long as four hours at speeds of as fast as 1 mph, and may travel as many as 7.5 miles in a single night.
Made-up fact: Whomever actually measured how far a mosquito travels in a single night really ought to get a girlfriend.
Scientific fact: Most mosquitoes feed near dawn or dusk, and spend the daylight hours avoiding intense heat.
Made-up fact: Me, too.
Scientific fact: When a female mosquito gorges herself on blood, she begins to rid herself of certain useless parts of the blood to make room for more of the beneficial nutrients.
Made-up fact: Yuch.
Scientific fact: The main physical structure of the mosquito's blood-sucking apparatus is called a proboscis.
Made-up fact: I think I dated a girl who had one of those.
Scientific fact: Anti-clotting proteins found in mosquito saliva have potential human medicinal uses to combat certain cardiovascular disease conditions.
Made-up fact: I'd still prefer that we kill 'em all.
Scientific fact: In one certain type of mosquito, trypsin activity is restricted entirely to the posterior midgut lumen.
Made-up fact. Everybody knows that.
Scientific fact: Mosquitoes are thought responsible for spreading disease to 700 million people annually, with more than two million deaths.
Made-up fact: And you thought telemarketers were a pain in the a--.
Scientific fact: Only female mosquitoes suck blood. The males of the species are not generally bothersome, preferring to live their lives quietly without shoving their proboscises in anybody else's business.
Made-up fact: Just sayin.' Scientific fact: Mosquitoes generally weigh about 2.5 milligrams and rarely grow to lengths greater than 16 mm.
Made-up fact: I had one on my arm Monday night that was the size of a wren.
Scientific fact: Mosquito pupae live in water, but must rise to the surface frequently to breathe.
Made-up fact: You'd have to rise to the surface frequently to breathe, too, if you had respiratory trumpets on your cephalothoraces.
Scientific fact: In a process known as 'dapping,' many species of mosquitoes deposit their eggs in water by flying haphazardly over the surface and dropping them individually.
Made-up fact: 'Dapping' is the term I use for getting the maple syrup on my French toast sticks.
Scientific fact: A mosquito has 72 odor receptors on its antenna, 27 of which are used to detect chemicals found in victims' perspiration.
Made-up fact: None of the 45 remaining receptors are used to detect the chemicals found in backyard electric bug-zappers. ZZzzsssstttt.
Scientific fact: Iceland is the only place on earth thought not to have mosquitoes.
Made-up fact: I'm moving there next week.
Scientific fact: Arctic mosquitoes are known to exist in massive numbers, and can draw as much as 300 ml of blood per day from caribou. Made-up fact: Caribou are not happy about this. Scientific fact: According to experts, an ideal net for protecting sleeping humans against mosquitoes and the diseases they carry is white in color, rectangular, netted on the sides and top, and 'without a hole.' Made up fact: Duh. Scientific fact: Known predators of mosquitoes include dragonflies, damselflies, bats, and purple martins, as well as certain types of fish that feed on larvae, including bluegills, bass, salmon, trout, catfish and goldfish.
Made-up fact: Piranhas will also eat mosquito larvae, unless you have your toes dangling over the side of the boat.
Scientific fact: The word 'mosquito' is believed to be of North American origin and first used in the 1580s.
Made-up fact: The words, 'Ouch, you little *& %#@%^' are also believed to be of North American origin and first used in the 1580s.
Scientific fact: Mosquitoes are thought to have existed for more than 30 million years.
Made-up fact: The first can of 'OFF' was sold at a cave-front sporting goods store in the Pleistocene Epoch.
Scientific fact: Live mosquitoes may be purchased from the Carolina Biological Supply Company.
Made-up fact: Why?
Scientific fact: Eradication of mosquitoes from Earth could cause a major ecological disruption, according to scientists.
Made-up fact. So what? According to me.
THE
BORN
LESAR
