Purr-fectly absurd

– Random Writings: Column by Rebecca Lindquist –

Was there a specific fad that was all the rage when you were in high school? When my brother, Tim, was in high school in the ’70s, popular trends were bellbottom pants, corduroy, platform shoes, feathered hair, afros and pet rocks.

During my ’80s high school sojourn, colored socks, coordinated with matching shirts or sweaters, happened to be popular, along with anything neon, shoulder pads, stone-washed jeans, Rubik’s cubes and friendship pins.

The ’90s sported bomber jackets, fanny packs, wallets on a chain, scrunchies and, on the weird end of the spectrum, adult pacifiers, mainly used by ravers. (People who attended parties where the use of Ecstasy was prevalent.) The idea behind the pacifier was to prevent possible side effects from using the drug, the most common being jaw clenching and teeth grinding.

When my daughter, Hannah, was a 2018 high school senior, over-sized t-shirts and distressed jeans, were worn for casual or dressier occasions, and Birkenstock sandals were thee footwear to buy. I personally thought they were horrid and refused to pay such an exorbitant price to wear hideous-looking shoes, but I also wasn’t an aspiring fashionable teen.

Protein shakes and Giga Pet digital toys rounded out the list.

Just when you thought you’d heard it all, along comes the latest fad that tops the charts as the most outlandish, unconventional and downright ludicrous trend as of yet. This disturbing fad is sweeping schools across the nation.

I heard about this from my sister, Bethie, whose friend’s son’s family attends the Mosinee School District. I had never heard about this until that moment. It’s regarding Furries.

A Furrie is someone who has an interest in anthropomorphic animals, meaning they identify with being a particular animal. In this case, the Furries mainly personify themselves as cats or dogs. Not only do they dress as that animal, they adopt the persona of that animal’s characteristics.

Those students who identify as cats sit at the teacher’s feet. One “cat” sits on the floor, while another feline curls up on the first cat’s lap, then cat No. 1 pets and grooms cat No. 2. Huh??? Apparently, they imitate sexual practices, too.

To begin with, how is this known? Are they publicly cavorting inside the school? Frankly, I don’t even want to know. What cats do in the privacy of their own environment is their business. The same goes for the feline impersonators. Don’t want to know, don’t need to know.

Allegedly, Furries are not required to participate in classroom discussions, nor do they have to speak. It’s not uncommon to hear hissing, meowing or barking, in the halls or classroom, and some school boards have requested that Furries are not to be ridiculed or treated disrespectfully.

The latest outrage was a group of Mosinee Furries, who attended a school board meeting requesting litter boxes be placed in all the restrooms. What the actual heck? (Alexander Cummings patented the first flushing toilet for a reason.) The request was denied. I personally don’t care to watch anything defecate.

Respecting what gender a person identifies as, is one thing, but allowing this nonsense to occur, is quite another. It has to be extremely distracting and disruptive to students who actually want to learn, and receive a good education. If these students are identifying as animals, they have no business on school property.

I know this is a trivial thought, but I imagine cat people draped all over everything and I wouldn’t want to eat at a table where a delusional human’s rear end has resided.

I would like to think I’m open-minded and nonjudgmental, but obviously, I am neither. Where do we draw the line between what is just a phase and what is not acceptable? It’s probably just as well I’m not in high school now. The first time I was hissed at, the inclination to whip out a spray bottle and douse the offender heartily, or just plain dropkick them, is a distinct possibility.

If Furries are allowed to pursue their role-playing fantasies, does that mean I have to fake sneeze when I’m around them, since I am, in fact, allergic to pet dander in real life?

I wouldn’t want to be considered out of the loop or behind the times, so I’ll play along…I now identify as a millionaire. Treat me accordingly.