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Sick of Zoom calls? Here are some jokes to brighten your day

(Frederic) Inter-County Leader Just when I think life is getting boring and dull, Ken Mettler, my brother-in-song, sends me some jokes to brighten up my day. Our Indianhead Chorus has not been able to get together and practice since the COVID-19 virus began.

At the same time, all the performances were brought to a halt. No annual concert, no sing-out with churches or different groups. Yes, I managed to still play my guitar and piano, and sing solo at home, but it just isn’t the same. It is like playing bridge by yourself; how fun is it?

Thank goodness, our director, Karl Wicklund, thought of a new plan – to get together through Zoom. We have a chance to see our buddies, even though not in a normal way. Only one person can speak at a time, the others can only listen.

But when Karl plays a tune with all four parts – the lead, the tenor, the bass and the baritone, each part can still sing along individually. No, it is not the same, but it is much better than twiddling our thumbs. So, wait for our good news when this virus is over. We’ll be back on track with more enthusiasm and exhilaration than ever.

I must be getting old, just what was I talking about? Oh yes, jokes. How appropriate, here are some old-age jokes I appreciate and I hope you will enjoy them, too.

No, I am not multi-tasking, I just forgot I have a project going and started another one. • I found out the easiest way to get my wife’s attention, is to just sit and relax, and do nothing. • I never dreamt that the buttons of my shirt would practice social distancing.

I am glad that when I get up, I find all the joints are still hurting; if nothing hurts, then I must be dead. • When I move my arm, it cracks; when I move my left my knee, it cracks; when I turn my neck, it cracks; goodness, I am not getting old, I am getting crispy.

Don’t mess with old folks, let me warn you, “life in prison,” means nothing to them. • I thought pole dancing was getting in and out of the bathtub while grabbing the pole on the wall. • At our age, don’t sing in the shower; singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked...don’t sing.

I see people my age mountain climbing; meanwhile, I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance. • If you forget what you’re saying in the middle of a sentence, just say, “I forgot the English word for it.” People will assume you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.

I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do, it’s because I missed my exit. • Dogs are rejoicing, because their owners are staying home 24/7; meanwhile, cats are contemplating suicide. • If you want to impress me with your vehicle, it better be a food truck.

And here are a few from our beloved entertainers.

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. (Bob Hope) • I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do. (Phyllis Diller) • I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper; the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. (Andy Rooney) By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he is too old to go anywhere. (Billy Crystal) • You know you’re getting older, when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police. (Joan Rivers) Life is too short, so let’s just have some fun on the way. Here is one more of my favorites.

A granddaughter was visiting her grandparents and Grandpa kept calling his wife of 50 years, different sweet names: “Honey Pie, Sweetie, Sugar Plums…” The granddaughter wanted to find out what was the secret with the continuous affection after all these years, so she went to the kitchen when Grandma wasn’t around and asked Grandpa what the secret was.

“Well,” he said, “five years ago, I forgot her name.”

Hopefully, all these nonsenses will be over soon and our chorus will be able to sing for you all again. Meanwhile, stay healthy and stay tuned.