Leeeet’s get ready to rumblllllllleeeeee!!!!!
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You go to a couple outdoor wrestling events with someone, laugh over a certain wrestler’s social media posts and you think you’ve formed a lifelong friendship, right?
I, too, was under that mistaken impression, but betrayal lurked beneath the surface, just waiting for the time to rear its ugly head.
See, here’s the thing. My co-worker, Julia, and I, are huge professional wrestling fans, as evidenced by the highly enjoyable bout we went to watch in Jim Falls this last summer. Please stop rolling your eyes and appreciate this is for entertainment only; we know the story lines aren’t real.
Besides, have you seen some of the moves these guys and gals make? They’re like Spiderman!
But I digress.
Julia and I have chatted about wrestling since day one, when she began at the paper almost two years ago. Actually, I think her younger brother and I started talking about wrestling first, when he discovered Fozzy...whose lead singer is of course, WWE superstar Chris Jericho...was going to be at Rock Fest, an annual event we cover.
But, again, I digress.
I’ve never made any secret how I feel about WWE superstar Roman Reigns – the Big Dog – former member of The Shield. What can I say about Roman?
Well, usually it comes out Ibehudabfawaug!!!!!! I try to say, “He sure is one good-looking man, alright,” but my brain seems to get addled when I gaze at him. Who can blame me?
He’s tall, solid, has long, dark hair, tattoos, a beard, is Samoan and oh yeah, he wrestles. ’Nuff said.
Julia, on the other hand, has an affinity for fellow WWE superstar Drew McIntyre. Drew, like Roman, is tall, has long, dark hair and a beard. Unlike Roman, Drew has abs of steel (to be fair, Roman may, as well, but he keeps his shirt on, so I can’t tell if there are abs there or not) and is of Scottish descent.
Drew is just not my cup of tea. It could be that I still hold his actions toward former WWE superstar Kelly Kelly against him. Drew wanted to go out with Kelly, but she refused, because he had anger issues, so he sided with her sworn enemy instead.
And he wondered why Kelly wouldn’t give him a chance?
Before you call a therapist for me, I know this is all for entertainment and since it is, I throw myself into it wholeheartedly.
However, I have once more digressed.
I do not share Julia’s profound interest in Drew and knew full well, she did not share mine in Roman. I thought we both were OK with that. Sadly, I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Last week, I was describing what had happened on Monday Night RAW to Julia, when out of nowhere, I was blindsided, as she said – and this is hard for me to even put into words – “Drew McIntyre is way better looking than Roman Reigns!”
I was shocked to my very core and I’m sure our co-workers probably reached for their phones so they could have an accurate video account of what they thought would “go down.” I think I was in shock, because I just gasped a lot, twirled my sweater angrily and huffed off to my desk.
Now that I have had some time to think things over, I am ready to “throw down.” What I should have said at the time, was: Oh, yeah, well, at least Roman doesn’t take 15 minutes to say one sentence with a stupid accent! And, At least Roman’s hair isn’t in his eyes when he comes out, making him look like he doesn’t know how to brush his hair! And,“ At least Roman has cool gear and doesn’t look like he escaped from a vampire coven!
It would not surprise me, with our apparent mutual animosity toward each other’s imaginary love interest, if we end up as the main event at this summer’s community fair.
I can hear the ring announcer now... And in this corner, weighing in at none of your dang business, Ginna the “Unicorn” Young! And in this corner, weighing in at considerably less, Julia, the “Cat” Wolf!
Pretty sure it would be a sold out show. Fair promoters, give us a call, we work for McDonald’s.
In the meantime, if you hear yelling and threats from the office, you may want to stay clear or throw chocolate in the door to calm us down!