Do you dare to step through the door?

There has been an urge to move on. To vastly change the outer exterior of how people know me to be. To finally step out of the old ways that once were expressed. A lot of the layers of shame, guilt and overall internal pain that resounded over and over inside my body, like a hollow shell, used to be a continuous bounce back and forth on what seemed to be a never-ending cycle. That was until I made the conscious decision to choose myself in the way I was trying to choose others. Many, many hours were spent reassessing myself and all the energy I put into others. Subsequently it showed me that I was ignoring my worth, people-pleasing and causing more internal chaos by letting triggers not teach me anything.

This column is a bit raw and I hope that doesn’t deter you from future reads. I feel as if in this time period the best to be is not only honest with others around us, but to be honest with yourself - without your own ego taking over and changing what is right in front of you.

Romanticizing your life is a strong and powerful tool to help get through tough times. It can be a very helpful motivator and a place were you might find safety to be yourself. Just remember to remove the rose-colored glasses every once in a while to see what and how people are truly feeling. To stop projecting your own viewpoint on how you want others to react and be with you.

Find the comfort of knowing that you are more than just okay with yourself. Self-love and shadow work can be a very difficult thing to do fully. You have to go into those hidden doors that are chained shut, to face it all. At this time though, you are different than you were before with a new way of thinking. To be the savior and person you felt you needed once before.

Mostly I find the need for compassion, to feel protected, understood and to feel loved - despite being weird or different.

Those rose-colored glasses you once wore seem to change too. They change into something that almost feels like a super power. You look from a different place then you did before, after you go through some healing. All the healing will help your sight improve each time and internally you might just feel self-love and warmth.

Memories now feel more precious. People are out there that I miss so greatly that my heart aches and words cannot express, but I cherish those moments that we had.

“In a dark place, we find ourselves, and a little more knowledge lights our way.” – Yoda