Wedding trip
In a few weeks my nephew Jacob will be getting married. It is destination wedding to sunny Cincinnati, Ohio.
I am excited. You can tell, can’t you? When I was about 12, my mother, who had all of the artistic talent in the family, made a turkey decoration. It was adorable. Growing up, an annual tradition in our family would be to watch “B.C.: The First Thanksgiving.” First aired in 1973 the show featured the cast of cartoon cavemen and introduced my siblings and I to skulking and also to a turkey with an incredibly silly gobble that we spent far too many hours attempting to emulate.
For those over a certain age, the connection between Cincinnati, Ohio and turkeys is an obvious one. I think it would be fun for one of my siblings to bring my mom’s turkey decoration to a shopping center in Cincinnati and reenact the famous scene from WKRP in Cincinnati just to be able to say “As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”
Yeah, my wife and children have that same reaction. Sometimes, when there is absolute silence you can actually hear when peoples’ eyes roll. I can guarantee suggesting to your family that you should make a side trip between your nephew’s wedding and reception to fling toy turkeys into the air is a surefire way to get that necessary level of silence.
In full disclosure, Jacob and his lovely bride are not actually getting marred in Cincinnati, but rather in the bustling city of Mason, Ohio which is located in southwestern Warren County and is about 22 miles from downtown Cincinnati and is home to a population of 34,792 people. The city’s website doesn’t mention how many turkeys call it home, but I have been working in newspapers long enough to know there are bound to be some turkeys in any community if you look hard enough and go to the right hangouts.
Mason is also home to Kings Island amusement park and the Lindner Family Tennis Center, which the website claims is one of the largest tennis stadiums in the world. The city is also home to the wildly misnamed Cincinnati Open tennis tournament. I suspect that they named it after the nearby large city because calling it the Mason Open would make it sound like some really wild competitive home canning competition. Besides calling it after Cincinnati allows me an excuse to expound on the useless information that Cincinnati itself is named in honor of Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus of ancient Rome who famously chose to retire from being dictator of Rome and become a farmer after saving the city from crisis.
I am not much of one to follow world tennis competitions, but I am reminded of my news writing professor in college pointing out that if you feel you have to say someone or something is famous, then there is a really good chance they are not.
Admittedly, and as with any absolute rule, there are multitudes of exceptions especially when you dive down into the rabbit hole of specialized hobbies and activities. Take for example Patrick Barrie from Cambridge University.
Who is Patrick Barrie, you may ask, if you don’t have any shame in hiding your ignorance of the current tidily winks world champion who earned his title through grueling play at the 77th World Championship held in March.
Yes, I do need more hobbies and likewise need to spend less time scrolling on my phone in the early morning hours when I am waiting patiently until a “reasonable hour” where I can stomp around my home and make noise without annoying my family. In case you are wondering, 6 a.m. on a Saturday morning apparently does not qualify as being a “reasonable hour” in the Wilson household.
I have been informed that I will be having no say in making any side-trip plans for when we are attending my nephew’s wedding and am absolutely forbidden from sneaking any turkeys, live, toy or otherwise, into the car.
Truth be told, I am looking forward to attending the wedding. It will be a great time to get away for a few days and catch up with my brothers and sisters and their assorted offspring.
Brian Wilson is News Editor at The Star News. Contact Brian at BrianWilson@centralwinews.com.
