Jody and Maria are two ….

Jody and Maria are two such advocates who work with residents of Clark county and members of the Spanishspeaking communities of the area. As part of their advocacy, they work directly with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, while also running programs and support groups with various organizations, including at the Clark County Jail, local high schools and colleges.

In addition to going out in the community to spread awareness, both Jody and Maria have experience in helping victims of domestic violence and sexual assault directly. Rather than being a one-and-done moment, they said it takes time for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault to come forward and seek help, but when they do, they are with them every step of the way.

“They might sit down with us and talk about their lives,” said Jody. “We can talk to these people and we may never see them again or they may pop in one or two years later and they said they were affected by what we had talked about.”

“We provide services that they didn’t even know about,” added Maria. “We have conversations with the victims to let them know that it is OK. The hardest part to get through is the mental abuse. The physical wounds you can heal, but the mind may not heal ... One thing I tell any victims is that if we stay quiet, no one will know. Speak up, you’re not alone.”

For victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, it can be very hard to escape the cycle of violence. Schulz said especially in the case of domestic violence, it can take a victim a long time to realize that they are in an unhealthy relationship. That’s because for many, the relationship seems fine at first.

“When you’re starting out in a relationship it’s all new,” she said. “It seems very exciting for you. You think, ‘Wow, they must really like me.’ You spend a lot of time in the early part of the relationship together to get to know each other. It’s always just the two of us. That isn’t always bad, but it starts to become a problem when combined with other factors.”

Those factors, Schulz, Maria and Jody said, are ways that an abuser exercises power and control over their victim. It may start out small, such as expressing disapproval of family or friends or giving out an allowance of money. But it just slowly grows from there.

“They start controlling the relationship, having an issue with friends and family for no good reason,” said Schulz. “They will stop hanging out with the people you like and then later expect you to do the same. It’s a type of isolating behavior. They want you cut off from other people. They want to control where you go and who you see.”

“They tell you how to act, how to dress, they act jealous,” added Jody. “They can feel bipolar. One minute they are abusive and the next they are the sweetest person in the world. Their narrative is that it is always about me and never about you. I want. I need. Not what you want or need.”

“They will act childish,” continued Maria. “They will throw temper tantrums and act like drama queens. They want the victim to need them for money. They don’t want you working and they will sabotage you if you try to work outside the home.”

By the time a victim realizes that they are indeed in an unhealthy relationship, for many, they are stuck. There are many factors that now stand in their way.

“Sometimes it will take them years to get to the point of leaving an unhealthy relationship,” said Schulz. “They think a victim means broken bones and bruises, but a lot of the time they experience emotional abuse. Their abusers exercise power and control and it can sneak up on a person. By the time they start realizing that this isn’t right, there are so many barriers in their way.

“It’s easy to tell someone to leave,” added Jody. “But it’s actually hard to leave. Whether it’s money or kids, there are factors we have to consider.”

“The three common reasons you will find for victims not coming forward are fear, a lack of knowledge and shame or embarrassment,” continued Maria. “Sometimes an abuser will say, ‘I will kill you and your family,’ or ‘Call the police and they will take your kids away.’ That is a powerful thing. They would rather stay than have that happen. I hear that a lot, especially from the Latino communities -- they hear they deport victims. Victims do not get deported, they get protected. We work with CPS and others to make sure we can get them services and let them know their rights.”

This lack of knowledge about unhealthy relationships and domestic violence is something that the members of PDC Orenda Center strive to change. There are so many cases of people believing the myths and stereotypes that surround touchy issues like domestic violence and sexual assault, they said, that prevents them from seeing the danger right in front of them.

“There is (many stereotypes about domestic violence)” said Jody. “’Maybe if she wouldn’t have been walking down the street at 2 a.m. she wouldn’t have gotten raped.’ or ‘If she wasn’t wearing that blouse.’ We hear it especially from the younger population. There is also, ‘I didn’t get hit, so it’s not abuse,’ but that is not true. Both victims of sexual assault and domestic violence learn to accept or tolerate this kind of behavior, making for more victims and abusers down the road. They say, ‘Well my mom used to be hit, so I shouldn’t complain.’ They compare their stories of abuse to that of others. They need to know that this is not OK. We don’t want victims to accept or perpetuate violence.”

“Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, not just women,” added Schulz. “Not just heterosexual relationships either. This crosses identities and genders. There are no boundaries with domestic violence.”

The PDC Orenda Center will be holding several events from the end of September through October to raise awareness of domestic violence. On Sept. 29, they will be at the Marshfield Public Library to hold a candlelight vigil to honor those who lost their lives to domestic violence and celebrate the strength and resiliency of survivors. The event begins at 5 p.m. and will include music and stories from survivors of domestic abuse. On Oct. 5, they will hold their annual Domestic Violence Awareness walk/luncheon at the Wesley United Methodist Church in Marshfield from 11:30 a.m. until 12:30 p.m. and on Oct. 8, there will be an awareness event held at the Willard Well located at N8631 County Road G. This event will run from 2-7 p.m. and will include music and raffles.