Slugs are faster

By Rebecca Lindquist

Getting older is a fact of life. It happens to everyone, though, I must admit, the amount of aches and pains that goes along with it took me by surprise. As I mentioned previously, I had a stroke in 2015.

It affected my left side, causing my left leg to drag partially when I walk, and left me with very limited mobility in my left arm and hand. My thumb is pretty mobile, but if I grasp anything, it requires the Jaws of Life to pry it out of my hand, unless I relax and rest my arm.

I now have a new affliction to add to the list. Sciatica, which is usually caused when a herniated disk or bone spur in the spine presses on the sciatic nerve, causing pain to radiate from the waist down the back of the leg. (I surmise this is a flare-up from a herniated disk I had 10 years ago.)

Sciatica typically affects only one side; mine runs from my right buttocks (you’re welcome for that disturbing image) down the back of my right leg, which used to be my good leg. Anyone who has suffered sciatica understands the pain that accompanies it.

Not only is it extremely painful, for me personally, it’s embarrassing as well. Trying to walk is ridiculous; I have this creepy side-lurching crab walk, which does not attract attention in any way. The pain travels down the back of my leg, and has an interesting added condition where I’m walking along and my knee buckles.

So when I’m limping along, it looks like I’m having some kind of spastic episode.

I used a single cane to hobble along, but recently upgraded to a quad-cane for additional balance support, uncertain when my knee would decide to do a walkabout. I discovered I can just as easily knock over the new cane as my old one. I thought that’s the point of a quad, it has four “feet” and is built for freestanding. Apparently, my lack of coordination knows no bounds.

I recently had an appointment at Prevea, in Cornell, and parked in the nearest handicap spot. Anyone familiar with the layout of the parking lot knows that it’s not an excessive distance from the parking area to the door. It took me a mind-numbing 10 minutes to get from my car to the clinic entrance, which should take the average person approximately two minutes, if that.

As I slowly shuffled along, an elderly gentleman was coming out, so I stopped to avoid collision, since I was within “swinging door range.” I indicated he should go first, since it would take me awhile. He said he saw me and came specifically to open the door for me.

He pushed the handicap button and, before I could get there, the door had already closed. I couldn’t help it, but I started laughing. It was so funny! I was walking so slowly, I couldn’t even get through the door before it closed.

My gallant gentleman just stood there, watching me laugh like I was completely unhinged, not quite knowing how to react. He eventually said, “Let me just push that button again.” Bless his kind heart.

It’s humiliating, but comical at the same time. At work, we have a copier with a motion sensor, which activates, turning it on, when anyone walks near. I was headed for the bathroom and my sciatica was particularly painful that day. I was walking so extremely slow, the copier sensor couldn’t detect any movement whatsoever and never came on.

Now that’s slow. Pathetic, but hilarious. Then, I really couldn’t walk, because I was laughing too hard.

My co-workers are the best. They constantly help me out in any way they can. They graciously pick up my mail from the post office, prescriptions from the pharmacy, carry my workbag to and from my car, and are just so supportive in general. Thank goodness for great friends.

I can’t wait to get this particular issue resolved, but am appreciative that I am mobile and can get around. If nothing else, it provides amusing anecdotes.